I can not believe that I say goodbye to my 13-year banking career today. Wow. It seems so surreal right now to be closing this chapter of life and beginning anew Monday.
It is a very bittersweet day for me today. I reflect back on my history of banking, the many lessons I learned, the people I encountered, and the expansive knowledge I accumulated. Come Monday morning I get to learn a whole new career.
Life seems to be coming together really nicely now. My stress and worry are completely over and I finally have reached internal peace. It took a very, very long time to get here, but I finally did it. I am finally going after what I genuinely want and deserve. I learned to quit settling and quit accepting mediocre. It is simply amazing at what comes your way and what doors/windows open when you achieve this mentality.
I am beyond grateful for those of you who have stuck by my side this entire time. It has never been an easy task, figuring out my life purpose, but it has finally happened. For the first time in a long, long time I finally know my purpose in this life. Thank you, everyone of you reading this (even those who aren't), for being supportive during this journey. I also want to apologize to those I have wronged during this time. It was never personal, by any means. I just went so long feeling so crappy and useless that I turned into a shell of who I used to be. I became someone who I couldn't even stand, so it truly means a lot to me for those of you still standing by me and who put up with my crap.
My Facebook is messed up right now and I have not been able to login since Monday. I have doubled work production and have accomplished several things without it. Perhaps it is a sign. Either way, no, I did not block anyone or delete anyone (in case you are wondering.) I have no clue when Facebook will be up and running again, but in the meantime you can keep up with me on here or through email; mariannerox@gmail.com
Thanks for reading!
10 July 2015
03 July 2015
Bye, Felicia!
I guess now is a good of time as any to announce that I quit my job. My last day in banking is July 10. I started in banking when I was 18-years-old. I have had a good run these 13 years. The industry has been good to me for the most part, but it is time to leave the nest and start a new journey.
My new job will be setup coordinator for a mortgage lending company. The job is 5-10 minutes from my apartment, flexible hours, salary pay (literally $1 less an hour than current pay) and I get monthly bonuses. I can also transfer to Austin with this job.
Texas Republic Bank has been a wonderful home for these last nine months. They have done an awesome job at helping me close this chapter of my life and begin a new. The building where I am is undergoing a complete 180 degree remodel, so it will be cool to eventually see the final product.
My current apartment unit is also undergoing a remodel. A lot is going on right now, regarding remodels. Parts of my life are ending, going in boxes, etc. For the first time in life I have peace. I am freaking out in a sense, but have peace. It's weird.
I miss my cousin, Erin. Today she would have been 32-years-old, if some asshole hadn't of killed her. I cried at work. It hit me hard today that she isn't here to share this stuff with. I miss her hugs, her laugh, just her. I miss her. 13-years later and I still feel like she'll call, or email, or something. Sadly I will never get over that. I take comfort in the fact I have met and am friends with her doppelgänger. She is very much alive and well. She is with me everyday. She has helped make this transition much easier.
That is all I have today. 3600+ page views. Wow, just wow. Thanks for keeping up with my posts, you guys. You really do know how to make a gal feel loved and special. Take care now, bye bye then.
13 April 2015
"Grown Up"
Oh, being a grown up. How I remember aching to be "grown up" when I was younger. SUCH A TRAP! Has it been fun? Of course, but it has also been one hell of a ride.
Boyfriend (that's right, I have a boyfriend now!) and I got into a discussion the other day about jobs. He asked me, "How do you not know what you want to do?" I mean, it is honestly a great question to ask. Sadly, I am still asking that question myself on a daily basis. Many people wake up one day and it hits them like a ton of bricks. They immediately know their life purpose/calling. I apparently missed out on that memo. 31-years-old and there are some days I feel like I still have my head up my ass (not really), but I still have no clue what I want to be or what I want to do.
It is not easy at all feeling lost. Yes, I have heard that phrase, "Not all who wander are lost" many times and have repeated it to myself, thinking it will help. It does, but it doesn't 100% take away any doubt. Certain situations have risen to where I have questioned and doubted myself and my decisions in life thus far. I will not divulge much information, but I do still feel lost at times. I feel like ScarJo's character in the movie "Lost in Translation." I have experience in several different fields, but still feel like I am not fulfilling my capacity...if that makes any sense? I know I have much to offer, it is just time others see what I see. Perhaps I have on rose colored glasses, or am a bit naive, but I have skills and knowledge at my possession that I am ready to unleash.
I am a semi religious person. I do not regularly attend church, or pray or read my bible as much as I should. I have been praying much more here lately, along with doing at home bible studies and currently working on a devotional before bed time every night. I have also started reading my bible much more, seeking wisdom, strength, and guidance from Jesus and his disciples. As cliche as this may sound to some of you, I have turned to Jesus lately for help. I have surrendered my stress, my worries, everything to him. Since doing this, some new opportunities have arisen. It is amazing how much better I feel when I turn to Him for help. Will it work out? Who knows, but He knows. I still struggle, yes, but not near as much. With Him in control, I do not have freak outs, and have a better sense of self. I have better control of situations thrown at me.
I guess the purpose of this post is that some of us do not really have it all figured out. We just take life day by day and honestly hope for the best. It is nice having people in our lives who care about us, who want the best for us, and want to see us thrive in our success. Life will be a dick to you, throw you in situations where you feel like you are constantly drowning, and you feel like there is no way out. As long as you surround yourself with as much positivism and love as you possibly can, you will never fail. Your journey as a "grown up" will also be a much happier journey.
"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage - I have conquered the world." - John 16:33 (New English Translation)
Boyfriend (that's right, I have a boyfriend now!) and I got into a discussion the other day about jobs. He asked me, "How do you not know what you want to do?" I mean, it is honestly a great question to ask. Sadly, I am still asking that question myself on a daily basis. Many people wake up one day and it hits them like a ton of bricks. They immediately know their life purpose/calling. I apparently missed out on that memo. 31-years-old and there are some days I feel like I still have my head up my ass (not really), but I still have no clue what I want to be or what I want to do.
It is not easy at all feeling lost. Yes, I have heard that phrase, "Not all who wander are lost" many times and have repeated it to myself, thinking it will help. It does, but it doesn't 100% take away any doubt. Certain situations have risen to where I have questioned and doubted myself and my decisions in life thus far. I will not divulge much information, but I do still feel lost at times. I feel like ScarJo's character in the movie "Lost in Translation." I have experience in several different fields, but still feel like I am not fulfilling my capacity...if that makes any sense? I know I have much to offer, it is just time others see what I see. Perhaps I have on rose colored glasses, or am a bit naive, but I have skills and knowledge at my possession that I am ready to unleash.
I am a semi religious person. I do not regularly attend church, or pray or read my bible as much as I should. I have been praying much more here lately, along with doing at home bible studies and currently working on a devotional before bed time every night. I have also started reading my bible much more, seeking wisdom, strength, and guidance from Jesus and his disciples. As cliche as this may sound to some of you, I have turned to Jesus lately for help. I have surrendered my stress, my worries, everything to him. Since doing this, some new opportunities have arisen. It is amazing how much better I feel when I turn to Him for help. Will it work out? Who knows, but He knows. I still struggle, yes, but not near as much. With Him in control, I do not have freak outs, and have a better sense of self. I have better control of situations thrown at me.
I guess the purpose of this post is that some of us do not really have it all figured out. We just take life day by day and honestly hope for the best. It is nice having people in our lives who care about us, who want the best for us, and want to see us thrive in our success. Life will be a dick to you, throw you in situations where you feel like you are constantly drowning, and you feel like there is no way out. As long as you surround yourself with as much positivism and love as you possibly can, you will never fail. Your journey as a "grown up" will also be a much happier journey.
"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage - I have conquered the world." - John 16:33 (New English Translation)
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