I was going through some items in my room at the parents' house tonight. I stumbled upon my scrapbook from high school and inside, found the sermon from Erin's May 18, 2002 funeral (the same exact day as my high school senior prom). For those of you who don't know, I lost my best friend and cousin, Erin MacKenzie Peck, when she was 18, due to a drunk driver. Suffice to say, this is the most difficult post I've ever written and will ever write. Many tears have been shed throughout the years (even now typing this), regarding our loss of such a precious person. Below is an excerpt from the sermon, spoken by Eric Moen, Youth Minister at Saint David's Episcopal Church in Austin, Texas. 11 years later and his words still deeply resonate within me. I miss you, weasel, every single day of my life, but you are always here with us.
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"Robert Louis Stevenson once said, 'So long as we are loved by others I should say we are almost indispensable; and no man is useless while he was a friend,' yet amidst the trials and tribulations of school work and projects, my largest obstacle and greatest satisfaction stem from finding time to relax with family and friends."
Thus begins a paper with a "Date Received JAN 04 2001" stamped at the bottom. Erin's assignment - personal essay for architecture applicants, Rice University - the topic: Outside of academics, what do you enjoy the most or find the most challenging?
Erin continues on with her story about how being an only child, she has a close relationship with her parents, always looking forward to Friday nights when the family would be most intentional about being together - that sacred time of going out to dinner - hectic schedules set aside - time to catch up with one another and be a family - time to relax and enjoy a much needed respite from the weekly stresses of school and work. That time together we all enjoy the most - being with the people we love.
What do you enjoy the most?? The ability to laugh and make someone laugh. Commenting on other people "acting so crazy" - youth group ski trip to Colorado and snow boarding for the first time. Butt busters so hard the groans melt to laughter and no, thank you, I don't need to see the bruise - just sit on your ice. 22 hours on a bus with Ben Folds Five playing in the earphones surgically implanted in the head, fashion mags causing peals of laughter and feigned shock at the questions asked in the surveys.
The love of the beach and a trip with family and friends. Checking out everyone who walks by and debating SPF's. Favorite sunglasses and guys with lots of back hair.
Working at Randalls and having no choice but to listen to the Dixie Chicks until you not only like them, but country music as well. A confidant to friends and fiercely loyal, always a blast to hang out with a sense of style to be greatly admired.
Shopping at J. Crew and Banana Republic. What could be more perfect. A sale of course.
Meeting friends and making friends at Mozart's, Magnolia Café - evenings full of chips and salsa and a table that wobbles. But only if the homework was done...
Seeking beauty in all her surroundings, the quest for style. Sketchbooks full of drawings, and assignment to "draw home" - she drew her cat and her butterfly chair - simple beauty reflected in relationships and an eye for fun.
Her fabulous Bob Newhart deadpan comic delivery, comedic timing way beyond her years. A funny accent, a quick laugh and a sweetness unmatched.
And so, Miss Erin, what do you enjoy most? Simple, it's relationships. Life is random and wonderful; it's being afraid to take a chance but taking it anyway - risking with yet another new group and coming out of it with a multitude of new friends. It's mystery; heartbreak; generosity; seeing goodness is everyone, and in helping it grow. It's feeling devastated knowing you disappointed a friend; happy when trust and respect have been restored. Life is empathy and risk; encouragement and disappointment; beauty and tragedy and joy. It's talking about boys and anticipating your college dorm room; and loving cats. Life is giving all that you have to every single moment; being a sister to a friend that wanted one; playing games with your parents; being late. Life is a gift. A fragile, precious, marvelous gift - soaked through with love and goodness and God-ness and love. It's having a mom who anticipates your every need and a father who is totally dedicated. It's walking into Vacation Bible School not knowing a single person; inviting all that life offers to get acquainted; embracing possibility with humor and trust, leaving regret at the door.
If you could be any insect, what would you be? "I would like to be a ladybug - not only are they beautiful insects, but they do good stuff for plants too."
Pay attention. Listen well. Hear and see and feel and become the conclusion to Erin's commentary on the challenge worth it all: "no matter how complicated it is to keep the bonds I have established with a close-knit group of family and friends, they are the ones that help keep me motivated when stress becomes overwhelming."
Crafter of memories. Sharper of hope. Forger of healing. Making a difference. Life filled with meaning - Erin - treasure of life.
If Erin were here today in the flesh, she'd say something dry and in a funny voice that would make us laugh. And then I think she would say, "What's all the fuss about? Go back to school. Get on with your lives. Be happy. Work hard and do well. Have fun. Be careful. And don't ever, ever forget me. I'm here - with you now and always. I'm as close as the tears on your face; as near as the ache in your heart. As vibrant as the memories we share; as hopeful of the future we planned for; as dependable as the smile you remember me by. Feel my presence in the hug of a friend. Hear my voice in laughter and fun. Know my goodness in every ladybug you see. Find my confidence in the caring you give away; my encouragement in the trust you have in other people. Get on with your lives, and take me with you. We are part of one another, forever."
