"Grown Up"

Oh, being a grown up. How I remember aching to be "grown up" when I was younger. SUCH A TRAP! Has it been fun? Of course, but it has also been one hell of a ride.

Boyfriend (that's right, I have a boyfriend now!) and I got into a discussion the other day about jobs. He asked me, "How do you not know what you want to do?" I mean, it is honestly a great question to ask. Sadly, I am still asking that question myself on a daily basis. Many people wake up one day and it hits them like a ton of bricks. They immediately know their life purpose/calling. I apparently missed out on that memo. 31-years-old and there are some days I feel like I still have my head up my ass (not really), but I still have no clue what I want to be or what I want to do.

It is not easy at all feeling lost. Yes, I have heard that phrase, "Not all who wander are lost" many times and have repeated it to myself, thinking it will help. It does, but it doesn't 100% take away any doubt. Certain situations have risen to where I have questioned and doubted myself and my decisions in life thus far. I will not divulge much information, but I do still feel lost at times. I feel like ScarJo's character in the movie "Lost in Translation." I have experience in several different fields, but still feel like I am not fulfilling my capacity...if that makes any sense? I know I have much to offer, it is just time others see what I see. Perhaps I have on rose colored glasses, or am a bit naive, but I have skills and knowledge at my possession that I am ready to unleash.

I am a semi religious person. I do not regularly attend church, or pray or read my bible as much as I should. I have been praying much more here lately, along with doing at home bible studies and currently working on a devotional before bed time every night. I have also started reading my bible much more, seeking wisdom, strength, and guidance from Jesus and his disciples. As cliche as this may sound to some of you, I have turned to Jesus lately for help. I have surrendered my stress, my worries, everything to him. Since doing this, some new opportunities have arisen. It is amazing how much better I feel when I turn to Him for help. Will it work out? Who knows, but He knows. I still struggle, yes, but not near as much. With Him in control, I do not have freak outs, and have a better sense of self. I have better control of situations thrown at me.

I guess the purpose of this post is that some of us do not really have it all figured out. We just take life day by day and honestly hope for the best. It is nice having people in our lives who care about us, who want the best for us, and want to see us thrive in our success. Life will be a dick to you, throw you in situations where you feel like you are constantly drowning, and you feel like there is no way out. As long as you surround yourself with as much positivism and love as you possibly can, you will never fail. Your journey as a "grown up" will also be a much happier journey.

"I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage - I have conquered the world." - John 16:33 (New English Translation)