Have I Gone Mad?

Earlier this year, I believe in January, I posted about 2014 being the year of Dudeism…the Year of the Dude. Well, things do not always go as planned and 2014 has been one hell of a ride. I was almost evicted from my apartment, almost had my car repossessed, and a few other things happened that I would rather not divulge. Why and how did it get so bad, you ask? Good question. It is all because I decided to settle at a (pardon my French) shit job. Hindsight is always better, but taking said job really did a number on me emotionally and financially. I am STILL recovering from this terrible decision. I have cried countless hours, stressed way too much, and have lost weight due to lack of appetite. For MONTHS I considered myself a worthless sack of crap who could not take care of herself, much less support herself.

In recent weeks I have discovered that adults not even of the age 35, yet are in the hospital for various ailments and aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Then again, are any of us guaranteed tomorrow? Learning about these people has made me realize how petty and silly my ‘problems’ are. There is so much worse going on in the world, yet I am making a big deal about how I could not afford my basic bills. What befuddles people is that I do EVERYTHING on my own. I do not have a husband, a boyfriend, or a roommate. I am in this all on my own. Sure I get by with a little help from my friends (pun intended) and I have super awesome parents that also help. I HATE asking for help and feel even more worthless when I do. I admire those who are fighting for their life (as odd as that may seem), because they definitely put things into perspective.

For those who may not know, I am a rather large fan of Alice in Wonderland. The Mad Hatter’s hat has a 10/6 note on it. I began my new job on that specific date, 10/6. It has been a MILLION times better than where I was before and I am finally at home. I get paid significantly better and am a large asset to this company. In fact, I have higher ups tell me repeatedly that they are happy I am here.

Here is my point to this rambling story. We are never guaranteed a tomorrow and in some shape or form we all battle for our lives every single day. Stressing over finances is such a huge waste of time, stressing in general is a waste of energy and effort. Those I know in hospitals do not deserve to be there and they teach me daily to be grateful for what I do have. They are reminders that good does exist in the world and my purpose here is to help them. My purpose is to love them and support them. We are all simply just encompassed in a random, small blue dot in the mass universe. Take the time to be grateful and thankful for what you do have. Know that when you work diligently, everything eventually will fall into place, even if you do not see immediate results. Stop every once in a while and enjoy the scenery around you. Laugh with others. Cry with others. Be there for others. Support others. Never once allow yourself to feel worthless or useless. NEVER SETTLE. Know your worth and know that what you do absolutely does matter in this life. Never look back, only look forward.

Those of you who have been there for me this year, I am unbelievably grateful and thankful for you. You have no idea how special you are and how much you have opened my eyes to all of the good and kindness that does exist in this world.